Deadbeat Science: Comparative Time.
This occurred to me in a dream during an extremely dull double-history lesson, and is based on the incontrovertible fact that the more bored you are, the longer time seems to take. This particular history lesson seemed to be lasting forever, and repeated consultations of my (new) watch refined this estimate - it seemed to be taking one hour every two minutes. This level of boredom also corresponded to an all-enveloping desire to sleep, which I managed to resist for almost two hours (four minutes in real time). Whilst asleep, the Theory was revealed to me:
1. The Comparative Time Index (CTI) is the ratio between Comparative and Real time, and is a real measure of boredom. If you are suffering a 30 (as I was, 1 minute seeming to take 30) you are more bored than at a CTI of 20. If you can get the CTI down to 1 then you aren't bored at all. Under 1, and you're actually interested.
2. Boredom graphs follow a curve (actually a hyperbola). It takes quite a long time (comparatively) for things to become boring, but once bored it gets worse quicker. No matter how interesting it gets, a CTI of 0 is unattainable - you would have to be infinitely interested.
3. Benchmarks. A CTI of 30 was clearly the 'sleep' benchmark. Further research revealed that a CTI of 35 corresponded to 'insomnia' (when one writhes in agony on one's seat, unable even to nod off); a CTI of 40 meant riots and civil disturbances (in my case that meant poking Ho Yen in the back with a ruler); a CTI of 45 meant a long, lingering and painful death (Our teacher A.W. Palmer would routinely achieve this amazing score, and it is still a cause of astonishment to me that no-one was ever actually bored to death during The Plantaganets). I have never suffered a CTI of 50 (and never hope to), but I think that it would result in instant extinction.I believe this to be the real cause of the disappearance of the Dinosaurs. (After all, nothing exciting had happened for ages).
The result of this (so far unremarked) scientific breakthrough? I woke up chuckling, was sent to the Headmaster and got two detentions and the cane.

More next month,
Deadbeat