An Apology:

Having been accused recently of being too serious and too frivolous (both in regard to the Credit Crunch deliberations) I have crafted a general-purpose, universal apology. This I now offer to everyone i have or will ever upset. I also place it in the public domain, in the hope that it can be used to abolish domestic violence, incursions, insurgencies and genocide from human history, for ever.

I unreservedly apologise for anything that I did/did not do (including saying, singing, writing and thinking) that I should/should not have done/said//sung/written/thought in the past; and for anything that I shall/shall not do/say/sing/write/think that I should/should not do/say/sing/write/think in the future. I am/was/will be very sorry, and will try hard to do or not do/say/sing/write/think it/them again. Believe/disbelieve all/none of the above/below. Delete where applicable/inapplicable.

Deadbeat Science - Taxonomy Needn't be Taxing.

Taxonomy is the science of classifying and categorising the world. Ever since since a primitive hominid looked quizzically at a sharp stone the race has been at it with a vengeance - and since Aristotle, we have been doing it scientifically. The importance of categorical thinking was well understood by primitive man - pagan religions make a big deal of naming things (particularly enemies and predators) as a way of gaining power over them.

Indeed, the human race owes its success as a species (amongst other things, obviously, such as thumbs) to its taxonomic ability. Distinguishing between edible and poisonous plants is only a bit cleverer than cattle, which will cheerfully graze plants that kill them with flatulence. The special human ability is to build hierarchies of overlapping categories - so from the basic 'don't-eat-that' we abstract to 'good-to-eat' and 'bad-to-eat' and then the small, crucial step to 'weed' and 'crop'. Thus was laid the intellectual foundations which led to us to become cultivators rather than hunter-gatherers.

Many animals use (and even make) primitive tools - Chimps use sticks to harvest ants, the Woodpecker Finch crafts insect-spears from twigs and the Striated Heron uses a range of bait (including live insects and lures fashioned from twigs and debris) to attract fish into its ambush zone. Primitive man took this basic tool-using further by combining tools - a sharp stone is a wedge and you can use a stick to bang it in to lift or split a log; or you can combine the stick and stone to make a lever, or re-combine them to make an axe. Then you can do woodwork. Add in the wheel/axle combination, the pulley and the screw and these 'primary machines' represent the first steps on a road which leads eventually to industrialisation, mass production, jet planes, destruction of the rain forest.... (Not an unmixed blessing then, but hey.)

Apart from ensuring the survival of the species and the subjugation of a hostile environment, taxonomy is fun! From universal, eternal truths like the periodic table of elements, to ephemera like the fractal branchings of the Hip-Hop genealogy; from primary machines to the 'hundred best soap operas' - how we do love putting people and things in boxes.

By contrast to the complexity (and, often, triviality) of this plethora of taxonomic labelling, Deadbeat Taxonomy is very simple, significant and straightforward: either you're alive, or not. That's it. Everything else is irrelevant.
In which case, every in-drawn breath ought to be a gasp of delight; and every exhalation should be a chuckle.

Happy Mothers Day to all all my readers, and particularly those engaged in retailing flowers and greetings cards.

Cheers

Deadbeat