The Girlfriend was very ill recently, with flu. Fortunately she's not an Asian bird, as I sympathetically pointed out, or she would have been found dead in a harbour in Scotland (veiled threat intended). One of the effects of the illness was that her internal thermostat had packed up, and she was going from very hot to freezing and back. This meant that she had been demanding a portable electric fire. Google revealed that the one she wanted (halogen with a tip-over safety cut-out) was available for just over 15 pints (note deadbeat currency).

I was obviously enthusiastically supportive and did nothing at all for three days, working on the assumption that very soon she would either die or recover and either way I'd save 15 pints. On the fourth day she rose again and unloaded the double-barrelled female weapon of tears and recrimination at point-blank range. I did the only sensible thing and bolted to The Hypermarket (via The Pub and an agreeable game of pool), arriving with not enough money and hoping to find that they were out of stock.

Result! Spotty sales assistant informed me (with some relish) that such dangerous items were not stocked. Back in the car-park, getting into Girlfriends car, I was interrupted by a screeching sound. Some dozy character was driving past with what looked like a traffic cone wedged under the front spoiler. As I helpfully watched with an amused sneer, Dozy Character stopped right in front of me, backed off the trapped thing and disappeared towards the exit. The trapped item was now revealed as a brand new (except for a few minor scratches) halogen heater with tip-over safety cut-out, of the exact make and model previously viewed (thanks to our next-door neighbour's wireless network) on Google.

As I loaded my free gift into the boot I pondered how this could be - I had already discovered that the fire wasn't for sale in The Hypermarket.... How? Why? Where? Who cares. The fact is, I REALLY didn't want it, and so I'd got it for free. This may prove important to all of you out there.

2010 Diaries. Db23 Db24